It’s been so long since my last story that I believe you deserve an explanation. I have a confession to make:
I am not a Klingon.
Go ahead. Take some time to let that sink in if you need to. I’ll wait… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: lumbe’ tlhInganpu’
“See all these people?” The Mother said. She had her hands on The Little Girl’s shoulders. “They’re special just like you! And see how happy they are?” Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Let’s Get Metaphysical
Okay, Wendy, you’ve rehearsed this. You are Sam. Sam Johnson. Samantha. You’re here to learn the fine art of picking up women… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Pick-Up Artist Boot Camp
I saw the best minds of my generation
walk past the window without contemplation.
That’s what it felt like at first, anyway,
as I stood there listening inside the cafe… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Open Mic Poetry (Meta)
According to Jung, there are certain primordial images that are part of the collective unconscious. These archetypes are universally recognizable and tend to elicit consistent emotional responses in humans regardless of culture, class or education… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: All I Want For Christmas Is… A Segway
Sure, I’m running late. Extremely late. And it’s not like this isn’t a recurring event. And I’m sleepy. If I had to assess my inner state right now, I’d say it’s an emotional cocktail of guilt, exhaustion, hunger and restlessness. Shaken.You might be thinking, ‘Hey, why don’t you get off your ass and just go wherever it is you need to go?’ Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: You Down With NLP?
Why does my toe hurt? Like, really hurt? No mail again. Does my mailman hate me? My flowers are dead. Am I hungry? Crap. Forgot the new crossword puzzle. What the hell was up with that dream last night? Where was I? My iPod is still on! Annoying. Wait. Am I hungry?
– My Brain (from ‘My 40-Foot Walk From Car to Porch’ -Abr. ed.)
Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Spoon Bending 101
I was sitting in a Texas-themed resort hotel drinking $15 margaritas with My Geek Friend and His New Biggest Fan. Apparently $15 is a totally acceptable price to pay for a margarita if you’re a high-level geek with a loosely-monitored expense account… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Kings Of The Geeks
A long, long time ago, I had a dream. Or maybe it was just a thought. Maybe a recurring thought. Okay, origins are not important. I’ll just relate it:
I’d be walking down the street and some random man would end up walking next to me at the exact same pace… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Speed Dating (Sans Speed)
I walked in and took a seat at the table. 5:59 p.m.
A smallish man in a short-sleeved plaid shirt stood behind the podium. He smacked the gavel on the table and called the meeting to order. I looked at my phone. Six o’clock on the dot… Continue reading Hello, My Name Is: Me Not Talk Pretty, Like, Ever