A man drinks turtle blood on the open sea for 13 months and emerges from the ordeal looking like a chubby young Santa Claus.

This story from Agence France-Presse is freaking awesome. Mystery. Danger. Even a hint of romance:

“If he was crazy, he wouldn’t have survived. Here, he acted like an honorable and working man,” [Guillermina Morales] said. “He was also brave.”

Screw you, Jack London