hello my name is

Hello, My Name Is: lumbe’ tlhInganpu’

It’s been so long since my last story that I believe you deserve an explanation. I have a confession to make:

I am not a Klingon.

Go ahead. Take some time to let that sink in if you need to. I’ll wait…

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Hello, My Name Is: You Down With NLP?

Sure, I’m running late. Extremely late. And it’s not like this isn’t a recurring event. And I’m sleepy. If I had to assess my inner state right now, I’d say it’s an emotional cocktail of guilt, exhaustion, hunger and restlessness. Shaken.You might be thinking, ‘Hey, why don’t you get off your ass and just go wherever it is you need to go?’

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Hello, My Name Is: Spoon Bending 101

Why does my toe hurt? Like, really hurt? No mail again. Does my mailman hate me? My flowers are dead. Am I hungry? Crap. Forgot the new crossword puzzle. What the hell was up with that dream last night? Where was I? My iPod is still on! Annoying. Wait. Am I hungry?
– My Brain (from ‘My 40-Foot Walk From Car to Porch’ -Abr. ed.)

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Hello, My Name Is: Kings Of The Geeks

I was sitting in a Texas-themed resort hotel drinking $15 margaritas with My Geek Friend and His New Biggest Fan. Apparently $15 is a totally acceptable price to pay for a margarita if you’re a high-level geek with a loosely-monitored expense account…

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Hello, My Name Is: Speed Dating (Sans Speed)

A long, long time ago, I had a dream. Or maybe it was just a thought. Maybe a recurring thought. Okay, origins are not important. I’ll just relate it:

I’d be walking down the street and some random man would end up walking next to me at the exact same pace…

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Hello, My Name Is: Me Not Talk Pretty, Like, Ever

I walked in and took a seat at the table. 5:59 p.m.

A smallish man in a short-sleeved plaid shirt stood behind the podium. He smacked the gavel on the table and called the meeting to order. I looked at my phone. Six o’clock on the dot…

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